


ACAB

by Monaro



Category: The Railway Series - W. Awdry, Thomas the Tank Engine - All Media Types
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:53:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24484636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monaro/pseuds/Monaro
Summary: In the spirit of these protests, I decided to give Sodor's boys in blue the fitting tribute they deserve! When two new police cruisers join the Ffarquhar Constabulary, they cause more trouble than they prevent!
Kudos: 10





	ACAB

**Author's Note:**

> Dear viewers,
> 
> The behavior of American police is inexcusable. As protesters attempt to demonstrate peacefully, the boys in blue have sprayed them with tear gas, blinded them with rubber bullets, and even sent undercover officers to incite violence and blame it on them. I wrote this fic to be funny, but I've also donated as much as I can to bail funds.
> 
> Minnesota Freedom Fund has already received upwards of twenty million bucks in support; I suggest you all consult the LA Times article below to find yourself a good charity to donate to.
> 
> https://www.lamag.com/citythinkblog/how-to-support-protesters-george-floyd/
> 
> Thank you for your time. Black Lives Matter, and there will be no peace until there is justice.
> 
> Your author.

"Thomas and The Police Cars", or, "All Cars Are Busted"

By Jynx Winters

The Fat Controller’s engines love to work, and they try very hard to get along. They are careful about following the rules, too, because they know how important they are. Every engine on the line had some story about a time they had broken the rules- and nearly everyone knew it was better not to.

Thomas believed that some rules were silly. But even so, he did his best to stay out of trouble. He didn’t want another run-in with the police!

The Ffarquhar Constabulary had an old squad car named Jezza. He was very kind, but fell ill very often, and the policemen often had to ride bicycles. They did not like that at all!

One day, Thomas met Jezza at the station. Two policeman were buying a tea, and left him parked near the engine.

“They’re going to replace me soon,” he sighed.

Thomas was not surprised- but he was still sad. “With what? Bicycles?” he tried to laugh, But Jezza only sighed again.

“No,” said the police car, “With cars! The village passed a bond to buy two newer ones from a Bigg City far away! The Chief says they’ll be so reliable, they’ll each cost half as much as me!”

Thomas snorted. “Just because they’re cheaper doesn’t make them better!” He was thinking of how troublesome Daisy could be.

“They don’t care,” sighed Jezza again, “I’m old and troublesome, and they’re tired of me..”

Just then, Thomas’s guard whistled, and he had to depart.

\--

In a few days, the new police cars arrived. They were both bigger than Jezza, and painted black and white. One had two headlights, and the other had four! Their names were Darryl and Dan.

“This is our garage?” grumbled Darryl, “It’s so small!”

Jezza, who had been pushed outside to make room, tried to be friendly. “It’s cozy and warm though!”

“In the Bigg City,” explained Dan, “we were quartered with eight other cars. The garage was air-conditioned, and the best mechanics in the State would work on us… It wasn’t like… this...!”

Jezza said nothing, and the three went unhappily to sleep.

The next day, the cars were given their decals. Each side had a big, six-pointed star that said “FFARQUHAR POLICE” on a ring inside.

“You look marvelous,” the Chief said.

“We feel marvelous,” Darryl purred, “Ready for duty!”

“That’s good,” laughed the chief, “Off you go!”

And the two set off to rid the world of injustice.

Bertie the Bus was in a hurry. He had a flat tire, and changing it made him late to meet Thomas. He was just coming into town, when he heard a siren behind him!

“Bother,” he muttered, and he pulled over quick.

Darryl the police car pulled around front to block his escape. “You,” he snapped, “Bus! Why were you going so fast?”

“I’m late to the junction,” sighed Bertie, “I’m sorry, I just wanted to-”

“-to kill someone?” questioned the car, “To smash your passengers to bits in a traffic accident? I’ve seen buses like you in the Bigg City.”

A policeman wrote Bertie’s driver a big, fat ticket, and sent him on his way.

“See you in court,” sneered Darryl.

Meanwhile, Dan was having a lovely day. He hooted his horn at everyone and was polite to everyone he met- until he ran a cyclist off the road.

Dan locked his wheels and stopped. Thankfully, he’d only been going slow. “Oh,” he moaned, “I’m sorry, sir, are you al-”

“Perfectly fine,” grunted the rider, picking himself up, “But you should be more careful.”

The policeman seemed to notice him. “Rudy, is that you?”

It was; Rudy had been a policeman a long time ago, and had retired many years back. He hated trains because they disturbed his sleep, but he still lived in the Ffarquhar Arms across from the station to save money. He’d known Thomas and Toby- but not fondly.

All day long, he rode around with the young policeman in Dan, ranting and raving about the trains. They were too loud, they were dangerous, they were reckless and disrespectful! The policeman had known Rudy before- and that he was always cross- but Dan took it to heart.

“Those lousy steamies,” he grumbled, and roared over the railway crossing.

That night, Dan told Darryl all about the steamies.

“They sound awful,” agreed Darryl, “If they’re anything like the road traffic ‘round here, they need a good straightening-out!”

The next few weeks, they made everyone in the village miserable! They wrote tickets for even the most minor infractions, and would jeer at Thomas, Percy, Toby and Daisy whenever they saw them. They even made life difficult for George The Steamroller, because he looked like a train!

The engines of the branch spoke about it one night.

“I hate them,” squeaked Percy, “Jezza was nicer, I want him back!”

“I don’t think that will happen,” muttered Toby, “Yesterday, I took him to the mainline, and Edward took him to the scrapyard.”

  
  


“I wonder what the townspeople think,” huffed Thomas, “They’re the ones who paid for this.

“They probably hate them too,” pealed Daisy, “My fitter works on tractors on the weekend, and he says the farmers are being nicked for driving too slow! It’s not fair, the poor little things!”

Toby sighed. “It can’t go on for too much longer. All we can do is try to stay out of their way.”

But as it turned out, they couldn’t.

A wet, rainy season gripped the Island of Sodor, making road and rail alike slick! It became harder for Toby to haul the cars up the lane- and Mavis and Percy began taking turns helping him. Thomas had trouble overrunning the platforms- and Bertie was written up for driving too fast for conditions twice in three days!

One morning, Percy was making up his next train to the harbor. Toby had just brought down a fresh load of trucks, and on top of that, Percy had two milk cars from a local dairy, two empty vans from the grocery run, and a bogey flat, that had brought up replacement drainage pipes.

The train was very long and heavy, and in the rain, it took a long time to shunt. Percy had to back it down the line to let Thomas leave, and this blocked the lane crossing on the other side of town!

The townspeople were furious, and sent down Darryl. He and his officers ranted to the stationmaster for ages, and when the Guard blew his whistle, Thomas was glad to leave!

“Peep, peep,” he whistled, and let out a loud wheesh, “Goodbye, copper!”

A policeman’s hat was blown clean off by the wheesh, and landed in the mud of the car park.

“That Dastard,” snarled Darryl, “Come back here, you… regular lawbreaker!” and he took off in hot pursuit.

Darryl roared down the country lane, wipers whipping furiously! His red-and-blue lights rolled, his headlights flashed, but his siren wasn’t working! Bad wiring had fried the switch. Thomas was puffing hard, and neither his driver or fireman noticed Darryl in pursuit. The Guard was busy taking tickets, and didn’t know the police car coming up behind was in pursuit of them!

Darryl had nearly caught up, when he came upon Caroline. She was driving slow, because her brakes were old and her wipers didn’t work very well. The cricket club didn’t want to be nicked for dangerous conditions, and when they saw the cops, they drove even slower!

Darryl  _ fumed _ , and laid on his horn. “Get out of the way, you rattletrap, official police business!”

Caroline spluttered in surprise and skidded to the side. Darryl roared by, leaving her stuck in a muddy roadside ditch!

By now, Thomas was rocketing along, singing. “Do come along, we’re rather late, do come along, we’re rather late!” The line was smooth and straight, the road was hilly and bumpy. But, at last Darryl began to catch him again!

The cop driving Darryl, by now, noticed the siren wasn’t working- and got angrier still when the switch did nothing! He flicked it on and off, but nothing happened.

“Oh, come on!”

Up ahead, the road was being mended. The village had put in a drain where there had been a bridge, and had called in a steamroller to finish paving. That steamrolled was George!

Darryl’s driver wasn’t paying attention. He crested a big hill, and looked up to see himself heading straight for George’s front roller!

“Oh, SHIT!” Darryl shut his eyes in horror!

The cop whipped the steering wheel to the right; Darryl’s front end missed George, but his left-rear panel clipped him and he was sent spinning into a wood-rail fence like a top! He stuck a telephone pole on his passenger side, and yelped as he felt something bend inside him. At last, he came to a halt.

Thomas’s Guard saw the crash, and stopped the train to help.

“What’s the matter,” asked Thomas.

The Guard ran up to the cab. “A police car has crashed! We have to go help!” Driver and Fireman jumped out, and all three ran to the rescue, while Thomas simmered worriedly.

After a few minutes, they came back grinning. “The officer’s alright,” Driver said, “But that car’s done for!”

It was true; when Darryl hit the telephone pole, he’d bent like a banana, and he lay in the muddy field miserable.

“I feel all crooked,” he moaned, but nobody heard.

Thomas took the unhurt policeman to the next station to phone for help. There, he apologized to them and slunk away.

Meanwhile in Ffarquhar, Rudy woke up red-eyed and angry. Percy was still making his train, and the noise was colossal. So, he called the constable to make a complaint.

Dan came right away, and was ready for a big confrontation. He pulled right next to the tracks as Percy pulled forward.

“What do you want?” grumbled Percy.

“We want you to quiet down,” growled Dan, “Hard-working people are trying to sleep. You have no right to be playing with trucks this early in the morning!”

“It’s nine AM,” sniffed Daisy, who was rolling out of the coach shed, “Respectable people are already at work!”

Dan snarled, and hollered to the brakeman, who was throwing a switch. “You there, stop!”

But the brakeman only waved.

Dan could see that Percy was getting ready to back down a siding, onto a line of trucks. He knew that the noise of them coming together would be awful, so he tore off and parked between them!

It was raining hard now, and Percy thought Dan had left him alone! “Good,” he chortled, “He’s gone off to bother somebody else!” So he began to back down.

Dan saw the trucks bearing down on him. They laughed as he struggled to get off the tracks. He spun and spun his wheels, but they pinwheeled in the air.

“It’s no good,” yelped his driver, “You’re wedged!”

The brakeman was riding the last car, and jumped off, waving his arms for the driver to stop. The driver thought he wanted them to keep coming, so he kept on the throttle!

The copper ran for safety just in time.

CRRRRRUNCH!

Dan was squashed like a can of lager between the trucks! Steam hooshed from his busted radiator. He felt he had fallen flat.

The chief got the reports within minutes of each other, and came to the yard at once. Toby had grabbed the breakdown train and brought Darryl in. 

The Chief pedaled in, wet and miserable, and surveyed them grimly. “Both cars, wrecked?” He was furious. “What are we to do now?”

Then, Thomas had an idea. “What about Jezza, sir?”

The Chief whirled around. “I didn’t say you could speak!..” But Thomas had given him an idea.. “Where’s the nearest telephone!

The Chief called the scrapyard, and found that Jezza was still there. He rode the next train down to get him, and drove the old car back. Thomas had never seen him happier- but the chief was still angry.

“We will see you,” he said ominously, “In court!”

And he did.

\--

The court ruled neither accident was the railway’s fault. The conditions were bad, said the judge, and the young policemen shouldn’t have been so reckless. What was left of the Bigg City coppers were loaded on a flat and sent for scrap. Jezza was given a complete rebuild, and served the department well for many more years!

“I still don’t understand,” mumbled Percy one day, “Why did they repair you? Why didn’t they buy a new car?”

“Simple,” laughed Jezza,” It was cheaper to fix me! The money the department got for those Bigg City bozos was enough to buy me a new motor and transmission!... so, I guess I’m not worth half a car at all!”

“No,” chirped Percy, “You’re worth two halves!”

Everyone laughed!


End file.
